In a past post, I mentioned that I'm thinking about
returning to the workforce. For a while I was not sure if I wanted to post about this, it's a
very personal part of our lives and I was not sure if people would even care. But, it's my blog and
I have nothing to hide. My blog is
a reflection of our lives. I would not be telling the whole story if I didn't include the times
when we are down. And besides, I have found
my blogging friends to be more
supportive than anybody else in our lives. You all
give advice,
pray when someone needs prayers and are
ALWAYS here for us. It's not that our
family and friends are not there for us.
They are. But, at times you can tell that they just don't know what to say.
In order to bring you up to date, I sort of have to go back a few years. (I'll try to keep it brief;) Before
Mike and I were married, he
became ill. He developed a condition that left him
unable to walk for awhile. When this first happened, it was
a hard fight to get him any form of
disability compensation. He was
fighting the unknown. The doctors
could not figure it out and therefore
no one was willing to consider him disabled because of this.
Eventually, he was given disability, but that
was not the life he saw for himself. Through many months of
physical therapy,
he was able to walk on his own, but not fully recovered.
He was not taking that. He could not stand sitting around and not work. That was just
not an option for him.
We wanted a family and he was going to do
everything in his power to provide for us. The next fight was trying to convince his doctors that
he was able to work. It was
kind of ironic because, we had to fight just as hard in the opposite direction for this one. Eventually he won. He has
been working hard ever since. He does not call off sick,
EVER. He is always willing to work late and signs up for more overtime than anyone else at his job.
He is a hard working man!
That brings me to my part of the story.
I too worked hard for our family. When I was pregnant with our first child,
I got a job at a daycare.
I LOVED IT! It was perfect for me and I knew that someday, I would be bringing my own baby to work with me. The best of both worlds. I could help provide for my family and be close the them at the same time. When Michael was two weeks old, I returned to my duties at my job and it was great. At times, I cut back to part time and I left briefly to stay home with my kids.
I always went back. I had been doing it for so long that when I had
a new baby and went back, it was like I was
bringing them home.
It was like family. Not always perfect, because really, we were all together all the time and sometimes different people just clash. But
I loved my job. In the end, I ended up
dedicating too much of my time to work.
My family was suffering. I was getting
home late and
stressed because of all the things that had to be accomplished every evening.
Dinner, dishes, homework, baths, cuddle time, laundry. I'm
not complaining, after all,
we chose this. We wanted
a house full of kids and that is what we got. It came to a point when
my kids had not done well in school. I was sending them to
after school tutoring, but it
was not helping.
They needed their mom. The end of that summer, before the start of school,
I made a promise to my kids that I would
be there for them after school to help out. I was not working late hours and it would work out perfectly. That was when
my hours changed. I would then be required to
work late every night. I couldn't do it
. I could not abandon my kids anymore.
I cried all night that night. I wrote my letter of resignation immediately. It was the
longest two weeks of my life. I was
not angry at all.
Just sad. I could not talk to anyone about it.
It has
not been easy to live with our size family
on one income.
It's tight. The cost of EVERYTHING has gone up so much this last year and
Mike is exhausted from all of his hard work.
I am so grateful that he has such a
tremendous work ethic. I was in bed the other day,
trying to sleep, but
thoughts of our life kept me from slumber.
Guilt for making Mike be our sole provider for so long
makes me sad sometimes. I know that I
contribute to this family too, but it's just not the same.
So, I want to
start the new year off better financially. Maybe, we will be able to take
a long needed vacation or just
have Mike home with us for a day here and there. I'm not sure
where I will go, but where ever it is
I will work hard.
I always do. My parents have also instilled a
strong work ethic in me. I can do it.
I didn't set out to write
such a long post. These are some things that have been
weighing on me for so long and I just had
to get them off my chest. If you're still here,
thank you! I appreciate you taking the time
to hear my thoughts.
Blogging is Therapy! Thank You:)
The Lemonade Award
