To Work Or Not To Work..........

In a past post, I mentioned that I'm thinking about returning to the workforce. For a while I was not sure if I wanted to post about this, it's a very personal part of our lives and I was not sure if people would even care. But, it's my blog and I have nothing to hide. My blog is a reflection of our lives. I would not be telling the whole story if I didn't include the times when we are down. And besides, I have found my blogging friends to be more supportive than anybody else in our lives. You all give advice, pray when someone needs prayers and are ALWAYS here for us. It's not that our family and friends are not there for us. They are. But, at times you can tell that they just don't know what to say.

In order to bring you up to date, I sort of have to go back a few years. (I'll try to keep it brief;) Before Mike and I were married, he became ill. He developed a condition that left him unable to walk for awhile. When this first happened, it was a hard fight to get him any form of disability compensation. He was fighting the unknown. The doctors could not figure it out and therefore no one was willing to consider him disabled because of this. Eventually, he was given disability, but that was not the life he saw for himself. Through many months of physical therapy, he was able to walk on his own, but not fully recovered. He was not taking that. He could not stand sitting around and not work. That was just not an option for him. We wanted a family and he was going to do everything in his power to provide for us. The next fight was trying to convince his doctors that he was able to work. It was kind of ironic because, we had to fight just as hard in the opposite direction for this one. Eventually he won. He has been working hard ever since. He does not call off sick, EVER. He is always willing to work late and signs up for more overtime than anyone else at his job. He is a hard working man!


That brings me to my part of the story. I too worked hard for our family. When I was pregnant with our first child, I got a job at a daycare. I LOVED IT! It was perfect for me and I knew that someday, I would be bringing my own baby to work with me. The best of both worlds. I could help provide for my family and be close the them at the same time. When Michael was two weeks old, I returned to my duties at my job and it was great. At times, I cut back to part time and I left briefly to stay home with my kids. I always went back. I had been doing it for so long that when I had a new baby and went back, it was like I was bringing them home. It was like family. Not always perfect, because really, we were all together all the time and sometimes different people just clash. But I loved my job. In the end, I ended up dedicating too much of my time to work. My family was suffering. I was getting home late and stressed because of all the things that had to be accomplished every evening. Dinner, dishes, homework, baths, cuddle time, laundry. I'm not complaining, after all, we chose this. We wanted a house full of kids and that is what we got. It came to a point when my kids had not done well in school. I was sending them to after school tutoring, but it was not helping. They needed their mom. The end of that summer, before the start of school, I made a promise to my kids that I would be there for them after school to help out. I was not working late hours and it would work out perfectly. That was when my hours changed. I would then be required to work late every night. I couldn't do it. I could not abandon my kids anymore. I cried all night that night. I wrote my letter of resignation immediately. It was the longest two weeks of my life. I was not angry at all. Just sad. I could not talk to anyone about it.


It has not been easy to live with our size family on one income. It's tight. The cost of EVERYTHING has gone up so much this last year and Mike is exhausted from all of his hard work. I am so grateful that he has such a tremendous work ethic. I was in bed the other day, trying to sleep, but thoughts of our life kept me from slumber. Guilt for making Mike be our sole provider for so long makes me sad sometimes. I know that I contribute to this family too, but it's just not the same. So, I want to start the new year off better financially. Maybe, we will be able to take a long needed vacation or just have Mike home with us for a day here and there. I'm not sure where I will go, but where ever it is I will work hard. I always do. My parents have also instilled a strong work ethic in me. I can do it.


I didn't set out to write such a long post. These are some things that have been weighing on me for so long and I just had to get them off my chest. If you're still here, thank you! I appreciate you taking the time to hear my thoughts. Blogging is Therapy! Thank You:)