Oh, I totally aggree! This article states it very well:) I do, of course, tell my children that they are smart. But it is a compliment, like being pretty/handsome/cute/fun/sweet/etc. I think these are things we should tell our kids; it's encouraging and expresses love. After all, we find our children to be so incredibly beautiful because of our love for them:) But saying I love you often means the same things to a child. And over-complimenting can have undesirable side-effects. However, when it comes to praise, it should be in response to something they have done. Everyday tasks can be praised. Rather than, "You're such a good eater." Try "You did such a good job eating all your veggies(or clearing your plate)" The biggest reason I am a fan of this "rule" is that praising your child's actions takes the focus off of unattainable or undefined goals -like being a "good dancer"- which can be a source of frustration and self-esteem problems. And it sets the focus instead onto things your child can really strive for, like turning in all of their assignments completed, or staying on their square during reading time... I try to remind my son that while he is still learning how to read, he is getting so good at recognizing his sight words and writing his name... things he can wrap his mind around... Okay, so I went on a bit (I do that:), but yes, I agree!
I tell my daughter she is smart all the time, I should make more of a habit of telling her specifically what she is doing that makes her smart (or creative, or silly, etc).
I try to implement this with my own kids, but sometimes I do catch my self saying, Boy, you're a smarty pants or what a great brain you have, etc. Besides working hard to accomplish tasks, etc. I try to encourage them to appreciate their gifts as well- god-given talents.
I read about this somewhere else a few months back, don't know if it was the same study or just a similar one. Makes sense to me, it's definitely more effective to praise specific behaviors than to give generalized praise.
Oh, I totally aggree! This article states it very well:)
ReplyDeleteI do, of course, tell my children that they are smart. But it is a compliment, like being pretty/handsome/cute/fun/sweet/etc. I think these are things we should tell our kids; it's encouraging and expresses love. After all, we find our children to be so incredibly beautiful because of our love for them:) But saying I love you often means the same things to a child. And over-complimenting can have undesirable side-effects.
However, when it comes to praise, it should be in response to something they have done. Everyday tasks can be praised. Rather than, "You're such a good eater." Try "You did such a good job eating all your veggies(or clearing your plate)"
The biggest reason I am a fan of this "rule" is that praising your child's actions takes the focus off of unattainable or undefined goals -like being a "good dancer"- which can be a source of frustration and self-esteem problems. And it sets the focus instead onto things your child can really strive for, like turning in all of their assignments completed, or staying on their square during reading time...
I try to remind my son that while he is still learning how to read, he is getting so good at recognizing his sight words and writing his name... things he can wrap his mind around...
Okay, so I went on a bit (I do that:), but yes, I agree!
I tell my daughter she is smart all the time, I should make more of a habit of telling her specifically what she is doing that makes her smart (or creative, or silly, etc).
ReplyDeleteI try to implement this with my own kids, but sometimes I do catch my self saying, Boy, you're a smarty pants or what a great brain you have, etc. Besides working hard to accomplish tasks, etc. I try to encourage them to appreciate their gifts as well- god-given talents.
ReplyDeleteI read about this somewhere else a few months back, don't know if it was the same study or just a similar one. Makes sense to me, it's definitely more effective to praise specific behaviors than to give generalized praise.
ReplyDeleteGood article. I think telling them they are smart in general is ok, but praising for a particular action should be specific! :)
ReplyDelete